There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
