i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
