i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
