Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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