im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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