hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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