Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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