Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
