Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize