My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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