remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
