my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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