R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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