My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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