i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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