Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
