On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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