Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
