i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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