I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
