i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The power of my boobs compel you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
