Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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