Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
smell my finger.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
