i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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