I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
