Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
