She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
