when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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