I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
These tits shall not be calmed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize