I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
