I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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