Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
