worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Congratulations! We have a period
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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