If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize