i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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