she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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