Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Randomize
