i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't deserve a penis
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
