Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
