I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
ok first of all what the fuck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
