so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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