And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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