You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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