Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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