I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
