please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
