It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
