I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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