So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize