It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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