A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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