he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
