hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
