dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
