Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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