How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
