I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
