i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
