WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
