I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
