I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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