We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
