i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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