You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
