sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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