How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
