I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's blow job season.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
