Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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