chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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