Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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