can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
