turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
