chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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