If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
