so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
