Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize