you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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