yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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